She hurried into the hotel room, threw her suitcase on the bed, unzipped it and removed the clothes that were neatly folded inside. After taking off the long tee shirt and baggy jeans she had been wearing for what seemed like a lifetime, she removed one of the trash liners from the trashcan that sat next to the desk and stuffed the clothes inside. Then she walked into the bathroom to shower. “What have I done?” she whispered, staring at her naked body in the mirror. “What have I become?” After the shower she still felt no comfort, the thoughts of what had just happened playing repeatedly in her mind. It was hard to believe that she was capable of her actions. She put on fresh clothes and walked over to the bed where her suitcase lay open. Two items remained inside. They both held the possibilities of her future. A future that was now uncertain. She had not planned what lay ahead, had not desired it, but had still created it. As she continued to stare at both items, her head felt as if it were going to explode. She forced herself to walk away from the bed and retrieve her pocketbook from where it had dropped on the floor. After retrieving two aspirin from her pocketbook, she popped them both into her mouth without any water. The dry pills felt stuck in her throat. She returned to the suitcase, again staring at the two items. “Jamaica,” she began softly to herself. “It’s been a while since I’ve been. I wonder if things are still the way I remember.” She selected one of the items from the suitcase, a one-way plane ticket and sat on the edge of the bed staring at it. Remembering the times when she walked the beautiful beaches of the island allowing the warm rays from the sun to dance upon her skin. She remembered the taste of exotic fruits that exploded inside her mouth. Those simple thoughts brought a smile to her face. Those simple thoughts did something she never realized could happen. They proved that she could enjoy the simpler things that life had to offer. Her smile quickly became a frown as she glanced at the second item in the suitcase, the item that reminded her of the realities of her future. She tried to tear her eyes away from it, but the cold steel object seemed to speak to her, telling her that it carried her real future and that there was no other way. A lone tear fell from her eye. She did not bother to wipe it. Her heart felt heavy, and the dry pills she took earlier seemed to expand in her throat, leaving a hard and unpleasant lump. She walked to the sink and used one of the cups that sat beside the towels. As she tore the plastic off, it clung to her hands not wanting to let go. “Why couldn’t I just let go?” she asked herself, sipping the water. She placed the plane ticket back into the suitcase beside the cold steel object, closed it and sat it on the floor in front of the bed. It was time to do something she had never done before. She needed to pray to God to forgive her. |
Prologue |
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