| Chapter Two Simone Jackson |
When I was a little girl, I used to fantasize about being rich and famous. I remember when I first saw Oprah Winfrey at the age of twelve and I would dream of one day taking her place. I dreamt of having my own Stedman, but unlike Oprah, I would marry him and have three kids. We would live the perfect life together and be one big happy family. Now I am in my early thirties, and although part of my dream is a reality, the part I desire the most is still a dream. A dream that, due to my current situation, may never be a reality. For the past three years, my talk show has been a local hit and a leader of its time slot. After months of being flirted by a couple of major networks, we are taking An Afternoon with Simone Jackson nationwide. I am excited but at the same time terrified to death. Losing your privacy is the cost of fame, something I have been able to protect for years. I never understood why so many people seem to care so much about my personal life. I never thought I would be the interest of so many people a small market like Charlotte, NC. When I arrived here in the mid nineties, I was a reporter for one of the major news stations and before I knew it, I had my own weekly segment interviewing local people of interest. Then the talk show and all the sudden inquiries into my personal life. The executive producer of my show, and my mentor Suzette Jennings, would always ask me when I planned to settle down, and my only reply to her would be one day. The truth was that I was already in a committed situation. I believed that my personal life outside of the show was mine to do damn well as I pleased. Whose business was it what I did? I am a grown ass woman with the ability to do any and everything I desire. Nevertheless, even though I felt settled, I still found myself sad and unhappy with my choice. I often find myself wondering whether I chose this life, or it chose me only to not let me go. Most Sunday mornings I usually spend evaluating my life. Sundays were the only days I had for me and me alone. I stopped going to church years ago because every time I was there, the pastor made damn sure to remind me constantly that I was a sinner and that I was going to go to hell because of my sins. I got enough of that from my mother who felt it was her mission to call me a thousand times a week to remind me of my sins. “I don’t care how much money and fame you get, your soul is going to burn in hell,” she would always tell me. “You need to pray and ask God to deliver you.” I grew up in a small town in Alabama called Union Springs, about an hour outside of Montgomery. As a child, I was not exposed too much of anything except school and church. My father was a Baptist preacher, my mother was a teacher, and I was there one and only daughter. My parents, mainly my mother, always stressed the importance of receiving an education, getting married and having plenty of children. Something they were unable to do after I was born. My mother truly thrived on tradition. “When you find a good man like Steven, you hold on to him for life. Just Like I did with your father,” she would often tell me. Steven Cole was the only boy my parents allowed me to date in high school. He was the son of one of the deacons at the church where my father was the pastor and the love of my life until I was twenty-one. After graduating high school, we both attended Auburn University in nearby Montgomery. Steven was a star basketball player, and I was his quiet unsuspecting, virgin and naïve girlfriend. My first year in college provided me with freedom from my parents, something I never thought I would have. It also gave me insight to things I had never before seen or experienced before. To say that it was life altering would be an understatement. There were so many things that I never knew existed in life. I love my parents with all my heart and I always believed they were excellent parents, but their decision to shelter me from the world hindered my growth. My roommate, Carmen Rinehart, a slender, blonde headed blue eyed girl from Southern California, had a lifestyle that, up until meeting her, I had never before been exposed to. One day, after spending hours in the school library working on a term paper, I came back into our dark room. She often stayed away so I assumed she was not there. When I turned the light on, I saw her and one of her girlfriends lying across the bed naked and asleep. I was so startled that I dropped everything I was carrying onto the floor making so much noise that both of them jumped up. Carmen initially looked embarrassed but her friend gave me a sly smile followed with a long and seductive stare. “If you are curious, I will be more than willing to ease that curiosity for you,” she said before she grabbed her clothes and went into our bathroom. I had never been so nervous in all my life. I remembered my heart pounding so hard it felt as if it was going to jump out of my chest and run away. Carmen grabbed her robe and walked over to me as she wrapped her robe around her slender body. “Simone,” she paused as if she was trying to find the right words to say. “I did not mean for you to see us like this. She’s usually gone before you come in but I guess we were both tired and fell asleep.” I was speechless and in shock. After regaining the feelings in my legs, I walked toward my bed and sat down. As I sat on me bed with trembling hands when Carmen’s friend came out of the bathroom. Carmen walked her to the door and they gave each other the most passionate kiss I had ever seen two people give each other in all my life. Once they separated from one another, Carmen’s friend looked at me. “I loves me some chocolate,” she said then winked at me and walked out the door as my heart began to pound again. I had heard of lesbians before but until then I had never actually known one. I was afraid to sleep at all that night. I kept wondering if Carmen would try to do anything to me while I slept. When I finally got out of bed the next morning I noticed that Carmen was gone. I immediately called Steven to tell him what had happened. “GET OUT!” He yelled. “So did you watch them?” “NO I DIDN’T WATCH THEM!” I shouted. For some reason, that question annoyed the hell out of me. Why would he even think that I would want to see that? I had never seen a woman’s naked body before, other than in movies, in all my life. After hanging up with Steven, I showered and headed to class. But the entire day the only thing that was on my mind was the image of Carmen and her friend kissing. The passion they had was something that seemed so unreal. As often as Steven and I kissed I don’t think that either one of us had ever shown that much passion before. Later that evening, instead of going to the library, I decided to study in my room. After sitting at my desk for over an hour trying to concentrate, there was a knock on the door. Carmen jumped off her bed and quickly walked to the door and opened it. It was her friend. As soon as she walked in, they began kissing. They were all over each other not caring at all that I was there. I attempted several times to ignore them but, for whatever reason, I found it hard not to look at the two of them. This was something new to me. As I stared at them, I realized that I had begun to study them more than my book that sat directly in front of me. I was intrigued in the way she touched Carmen. I was enthralled at the way Carmen accepted her touches. However, more than anything, I was mesmerized by her friend’s body. She had long brown hair and a tan from head to toe, making her look almost golden. After watching them nonstop for about twenty minutes, I decided it was time for me to leave. As I was gathering my things, I looked over and noticed Carmen’s friend was staring at me while she was passionate with Carmen. This time my heart did not pound. I was not nervous. I began to get a different feeling. I became aroused. I quickly left. Carmen and I remained roommates until my senior year when I moved off campus and into an apartment. The first semester of my senior year on the night of my twenty-first birthday, I finally lost my virginity to Steven. As much as I loved him, I hated to admit that what we shared was the worse sexual experience I had ever imagined. The next night Carmen came over and I told her about my experience with Steven. She began laughing while we were sitting on my couch drinking wine. She told me of her first sexual experience with a man when she was sixteen and her second experience was the next night with a woman. After the woman, Carmen had never been with or desired another man since. I went on to tell her about our first year when I saw her and her friend kissing and the passion that they had. “Would you like to experience that same passion?” she asked seductively. Before I could say a word, her lips touched mine and it was like nothing I could have imagined. She knew exactly what to do to make me feel wonderful. My heart began to pound, but it was not because I was nervous. My nipples felt as if they were going to explode, and my sweetness was as wet as ever. She tickled my neck with her tongue, knowing exactly what to do. Her touch felt soft and sensuous. I lay there on the couch, not moving a muscle and allowing passion to invade my body. Carmen’s tongue touched every part of my aroused body. Once she arrived to my sweetness, I exploded, but she did not budge. She continued to taste me making me flow like a never- ending stream. Once she finished, she did not say a word. Carmen simply got up, put on her shoes, and then walked to the door. Before walking out, she looked back smiled. “If you ever want to go farther than what just happened, call me,” she said, leaving me lying on the couch still having an orgasm. Within twenty minutes, Steven became a distant past, and I became the devil’s daughter in my mother’s eyes. |
| Copyright © 2006 Péron F. Long All Rights Reserved |
