LivinAint2

Chapter One
Devlin Carter

   When my eyes opened, I suddenly felt nervous. I was naked, and there
was a naked woman beside me. I did not remember who she was. As I
began to move around, she did too. I could still smell a slight hint of her
perfume, and there was only one woman I knew that wore it, Leslie.
   I looked over at the clock that sat on my dresser across the room. 3:22 a.
m. It read in big red numbers that illuminated the dark room. I replayed the
entire evening in my head, but all I could remember was getting drunk then
having an argument with her.
   My mouth was dry so I headed to the kitchen for a bottle of water. As
the cold water refreshed my parched throat, I suddenly heard Leslie yell from
my room.
   “GOT DAMNIT, why the hell didn’t you wake me up?” she turned on
the lamp that sat beside my bed.
   “I just woke up myself,” I replied dryly as I walked back to my room.
   I climbed back in my bed just as she emerged from it, scrambling to
collect all of her things. She reached for her pocketbook, grabbed her phone,
and checked her voice mail.
   “Shit, shit, shit, shit,” she said softly to herself. “I can’t believe I let you
let me fall asleep.”
   I didn’t respond. To be honest, I could not remember what led either one
of us into my bedroom. The last thing I remembered was she and I sitting in
my living room arguing while I took shot after shot of Crown Royal.
   As I lay in my bed thinking about the past several hours, Leslie walked
into the bathroom carrying all her belongings. In less than fifteen minutes,
she came out looking exactly as she did when she arrived to my house the
evening before.
   “Bye,” was all she said as she walked out of the room and out of my
house.

   After getting up and locking the door, I climbed back in bed and tried to
replay as much of the events of the past ten hours that I could.   Before any
thoughts could form, sleep invaded my body once more.
   I did not wake up until almost noon. I was somewhat frustrated because
for the third time that month, I did not make it to church. I had made a
promise to my grandmother that I would do my best to attend as often as I
could.
   “Don’t you turn your back on the Lawd because things are going good for
you,” I could hear her voice echoing in my mind. “As quickly as God Bless
you with the things he gives you, he could take away just as fast.”
   Instead, I showered and headed to the grocery store to find something for
dinner. On my way back home, my cell phone began to sing the assigned
song telling me who was calling.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“We need to talk,” Leslie said after a brief silence.
   “We did that last night. Remember?”
   I was really becoming irritated with all these “talks” that we had been
having. They always seemed to end with us arguing then having sex.
   “Devlin,” she started. “I know I’ve put you through some aggravating
moments over the past few years, but I need you to know that it was never
my intent to hurt you in any way. Lately I find myself thinking about you
more than ever when we are not together, and when we are together I
completely forget everything else that’s going on in my life.”
   “Like your husband?” I asked, interrupting her.
“Yes,” Leslie said softly, almost whispering.
   Suddenly the night before replayed vividly. I remembered her asking me
if I would take her back if she left her husband Thomas. I remembered
explaining to her that for five years that’s all she has been saying she was
going to do, but yet she was there with him.
   I had even admitted to her that there was a time that I would have jumped
at the chance for us to be together again. I honestly had a strong love for
her, but now things are much different and the way I view her has changed
tremendously.

   Leslie and I met about six years ago at a cookout.   I was immediately
attracted to her. She wore her hair short and in natural waves. She was
about five-five and had a seriously toned body for days. Her skin was the
color of a Hershey bar and her lips were full and luscious. I wanted her, and
when our eyes met, I knew that she wanted me too.
  At the time, I was a single middle school teacher who was always trying to
develop new teaching techniques to help my kids. She was a paralegal
looking to marry someone with money. After finding out what I did for a
living, and how little I made, she quickly moved me into the “friends”
category. A place I stayed until she met and later married Thomas E. Jones
III, attorney-at-law.
   She would often call me and complain about how life with him was so
boring and the sex was horrible. I joked with her about being able to give her
what she needed sexually. After months of filling her head with my desires,
we began an extensive sexual relationship that extended from the time she
said yes to his marriage proposal until the present.
   For five years, I fooled myself that our relationship was perfect because it
was strictly sexual with no emotional ties. I tried convincing myself that a
relationship like this was convenient and necessary.
   Things changed when I quit my job teaching after eight years. I decided to
devote my time to developing and selling educational products. I told myself
that the situation with Leslie was perfect, I had someone to spend time with,
and when I needed time to take care of business I didn’t have to worry about
taking away time from my loved ones.
   What took seven years to create and market had finally become a huge
success. In the last six months my products made me a very wealthy, but
still single, man. In addition, success brought relatives I never knew, friends
I never had, and a love that suddenly wanted to be with me and me only.
   It had taken me months, but I finally realized that the only true reason that
she would leave him for me now was the sure fact that I could afford her.
   “I love you,” Leslie said, breaking into my thoughts.
   “Leslie,” I paused for a few moments to gather myself.   “I would be a liar
if I told you that I didn’t love you, because I do and I always will. But I am
now realizing that just because I love you, doesn’t mean that I have to be
with you.”
   “Thomas just pulled up,” she said after a brief silence and hung up
without saying goodbye.
   I pulled into my driveway and sat in my car for a few moments in deep
thought. I asked myself if I truly loved her the way I thought I did, or was I
in love with the convenience that came with her. She provided the physical
satisfaction I craved, but I knew she could never offer me much more than
that. I needed a woman that would be with me through any situation. After
seeing how quickly she would leave her husband, after all of these years I sat
in wait, I knew she could not be the type of woman I needed.
   Walking into my house still wandering in my thoughts, I realized that my
dealings with Leslie had cheated me out of several opportunities to be with
women who would love me the way I desired.   I wasted years hoping that
one day she would be mine. I wasted years wishing that she would accept
me for who I was. I spent years hoping that one day she would look beyond
materialistic desires. But she never did and now I felt like a fool for believing
that she ever would. I was crazy to believe that she could.
   I placed my groceries on the kitchen counter and walked back into my
living room, where I sat on my couch.   Leslie was not good for me.
Continuing to deal with her would only lead to more heartache and pain.
Even so, my heart still craved her. I still desired her.

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